How do I Start?
It all starts with a conversation. We don’t mean “The conversation” but regular communication with your elder parents. Holiday dinners or other life events where the opportunity exists for casual conversation. These times proved the opening for candid discussions about their current situation and what they are thinking about their next steps.
There are 5 siblings in our family disbursed up and down the eastern Seaboard of the US. There was one holiday where 4 out of the 5 siblings were present so we took that as an opportunity to extend the celebration to include a sit-down with our parents. What was interesting was that our parents started off with a very defensive stance: “You are not going to tell us what to do!”. I answered immediately that “We are not here to tell you what to do but rather ASK you what you want to do, what are your plans?, what events might make you want to change or accelerate those plans?" The mood lightened considerably, and we enjoyed an enlightening discussion with most of the family.
Okay, Maybe a few Conversations
Maybe I should say that it all starts with a few conversations. My parents don’t really pick up hints or accept ideas on the first try. It takes 3 or 4 tries to get them to either agree to new ideas or dismiss them but with good cause. It took me several months to sell them on the idea of installing internet service in their house. Gentle persuasion can go a long way with older parents as long as you illustrate the positives for all involved.
Community Support:
Try recruiting other family members, close friends and long-term neighbors(who might be in the same situation). Having this small "community" helps grow the support net for elders. Plus, hearing the same idea from multiple sources may improve the uptake by parents. A more organized approach would have members of that community take on certain roles including monitoring their overall health and living situation. Topics such as physical and mental health, finances and driving are best handled by family members. But social issues can be discussed with a broader circle of friends and neighbors. Spreading the responsibilities also takes the pressure off a single person.